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Speaking about sb you love, by Alba (NI2)- Students' Oral Performances with Teacher's feedback - Speaking

Back Speak about someone you love, by Alba (Intermedio 2, November 2012)

Listen! external link at the Talking People Podcast

Mission Possible! Read the transcript with my feedback as you listen - You can also print it here pdf file (2 pages)

Alba tells us about someone she loves: one of her younger brothers (2 minutes)

For a formal situation, such as giving a talk (charla, the monologue) in your Speaking Test, it's better to use the verb "to speak" instead of "to talk".

I'm going to SPEAK about someone I love.

Well, I've got two important people in my life that I love VERY much [instead of "so much!", because "so much" is for exclamations] -- my two younger brothers [excellent, comparative] and I'm going to talk about one of them [excellent! a partitive structure]

About "introduce": let me clarify something. You cannot say "I'm going to introduce one of them" (to us) because he is not present. When someone is present we say: "Let me introduce my brother to you" or more formally, "Allow me to introduce my brother to you. This is my brother, Rodrigo, and this is Michelle, my teacher. Them: Nice to meet you (too)"

My brother's name is Rodrigo [excellent! A Saxon Genitive in a structure that seems to be hard for Spanish speakers]. He is a 13-year-old boy [excellent: a complex modifier without the "s" in "-year-". Well done!]. He lives in Leganés, like me, and [well done, correct use of the present simple in the 3rd person singular, and correct use of "like"] he studies at Whatever Name school [the pronunciation of "school" sounded a bit too choni, right? :D :P ehj-kul. Excellent introduction for a presentation of the person].

To start with his physical appearance [this is a "signal word" expression identifying the topic for the next point, excellent!], he is as thin as a rake [awesome! A comparative fixed expression!] but he is fit [well done, a "but" sentence, contrast]. ["Moreover" doesn't sound right here. It's kind of pedantic] He's got brown eyes… He used to [well done! A modal!] have blond hair but now he has got dark hair [dark? or chesnut brown?].

As far as [the stress is wrong. You say "ás forás" and it sounds like "as for us". Practice/Practise as fáar ásis / áshis] his personality is concerned… check-y ??

As far as his personality is concerned [Wonderful! Another language chunk signaling a new point], he is AN EXTROVERT PERSON / EXTROVERT, brave AND HE IS ALSO [here "I want to point out" sounds a bit too formal? You can use it, yes – this time it is just a suggestion, not a correction. In any case, it's always better to say "I'd like to point out"] a hard-working person [well done! You didn't forget the "a" and you used an "-ing" adjective].

Talking About his hobbies [another signal for another change of topic, well done!],  he's into listening to music, surfing on the Net  [good: to be into + -ing and not forgetting the following verb is also an –ing form because it also depends on "he's into"]… common things that a teenager could can do [Tip: don't pronounce the "l" in "could" or "would". More, an improved version: he's into the kind of things teenagers like/enjoy. Incidentally, listening to music and surfing the Net are things adults do too… I wonder, perhaps you could look for more examples, e.g. texting/sending text messages, IM-ing/using IM, whatssaping/using whatsapp]. His favo(u)rite hobby is football. [Here you could add, "Actually,"] Actually, he plays in aN important football team. And I think that if she… [here you could add: "I mean,"] he [self-correction, well done!] tries to do HIS best… [woops! Don't change his sex!], he will be able to [awesome! Ability in the future of prediction!] beCOME to a famous footballer.

If I have to talk about things we HAVE in common [or "do together" or do you mean "likes we share"?] I WOULD LIKE to MENTION one of them [well done! A partitive] – we love animals [excellent! No misuse of "the"] [Now you could use "actually"]. ACTUALLY, we have got four pets!

In (THE) summer, the whole family usually go ["family go" British, "family goes", US American] to the RIVER /river/ [here you should mention what for, e.g. We usually go for a picnic there, and also for a swim] and in (THE) winter we usually go to the snow, because WE love skiing.

To sum up [do you think that's the best option? It's risky here. It could be OK, yes, it's a kind of summary, but summaries are for other kinds of topics/themes, don't you think? I think the best Signal Phrase would be "Finally, in my view"], Rodrigo and I have a good relationship [good!] and I can rely on him… So… IN A NUTSHELL, I love my brother VERY much!

Excellent, Alba. Good work! Thanks for sharing!